Week one
We each have a tendency to show love the way we want it expressed. But that's not always the same way your partner wants to hear it. After you've been together for a while, it's more likely you'll forget to show your love to your partner as often as they like or the way they crave it.Find out what says, "I love you" to your partner, then do it.
This week, respond to who your partner is. If they are outdoorsy, then take a hike together. If they are a social person, encourage them to have a night out with friends. If they love their quiet time alone, take the kids out for the day and draw your partner a bath before you go. You get the idea.
Week two
This week, plan a date with your partner. Be sure you both put it on your calendars, then make a reservation at a great restaurant, get a babysitter, and dress up for the occasion. If you're feeling really crazy, skip dessert and spend some time in the back seat on your way home!Go on a date with your partner.
Week three
Every day for one week, when you first wake up in the morning, think to yourself, "What can I do for my partner today?" This is about being mindful and prioritizing your relationship. Be flirtatious with your partner; be playful; be joyous. Do it for a week; see if you can't keep it going for a lifetime.Work on your relationship every day.
Week four
Share the following list of activities with your partner. First underline the things that you already do regularly as a couple. Then, each of you should indicate your level of interest in adding a particular activity to your repertoire by choosing a number from one to six. One expresses high interest, and six not much interest at all.Create a safe sexual playground for both you and your partner.
This exercise will help you set your own sexual boundaries. It will also help you find points for discussion and compromise as a couple. After you finish the exercise, I have no doubt that you and your partner will have lots of things to talk about!
| ACTIVITY Varying your lovemaking styles Adding longer sex sessions Adding more quickies Using a lubricant Watching an erotic film Going to a sex toy store Reading romance novels Trying new positions Making love in new places Exploring the G-spot Oral sex: giving Oral sex: receiving Anal stimulation Using props (food, ice, feathers) Using sex toys Wearing lingerie Playing sex games Reading erotica out loud Other __________________ Other __________________ |
____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ |
____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ |
Week five
Here's an exercise you can do as many times as you like this week. Start by massaging your partner. Ask them to tell you exactly where and how they would like to be rubbed. Massage one part of your partner's body for ten minutes. Then switch. Now you give explicit instructions to your partner about how to rub your back, hands, head, or feet. Make sure you let them know when they are doing things just as you like and when they could adjust their pace, pressure, or movements a bit.Practice asking for what you want and listening to what your partner wants.
Usually, one of you will be more comfortable being the giver, and one the receiver. Taking turns helps create a more equal partnership.
Once you're both comfortable giving massage directions, transfer your skills to your lovemaking. One night this week or next, when you make love, take turns pleasuring each other. You simply give directions for what you'd like your partner to do to you and they follow them. Then you switch. It's a powerful way to learn about your partner's needs, but more importantly, learn how to ask for what you like in the bedroom.
Week six
After a hard day at work, the kids are tucked in, the bills are paid, and the house is relatively neat, who wants to have sex? This week, set aside one hour of quality time for sex. Believe it or not, this can increase your satisfaction with lovemaking more than any other change you might make. You don't have to have sex during the hour if neither of you is in the mood or the conditions aren't right (one of you is sick, exhausted, sore, etc.). But if the feelings are right, you'll have set aside a full hour without distractions for a satisfying sensual experience. In fact, don't just do this for one week; make a sex date with your partner once a week for the rest of your life.Reserve one hour of time each week for sex.
Reigniting Passion: Three Nuggets
OneA group of college students (men and women) were shown the same sexually explicit video once a day for four days. Most of them were turned on the first time they saw the video. By the third day, their reactions were muted. By the fourth day, some of them were bored. On the fifth day, the researchers showed a new video -- the same actors, new sexual technique. Arousal soared to just about the same level as day one.
Two
Do human beings need variation in their lovemaking? You bet. Whether you have one partner or many, creativity in the bedroom will keep you passionate about sex for a lifetime.
Three
The great thing about computers is that now you can "talk dirty" virtually -- without worrying about how you look when you do it or how you feel afterwards. In a sexy e-mail, or during cybersex in private rooms, you can say anything that you've always wanted to say to your partner, but were afraid, unwilling, or too embarrassed to say out loud.
E-mail is a great way to begin. Write a note to your partner, letting him know that you love him and that there's a special treat waiting for him at home as soon as he shuts off the computer! (This is where the lingerie, roses, candlelight dinners -- all those real life things that conjure images of sex and romance -- come into play.) Your e-mail will set the stage for a wonderful evening, bringing anticipation, mystery, and excitement back into a long-term relationship.
